Printer FriendlyThe following lecture was presented by Professor Dean Bergeron on Thursday, March 15, 2001, at a series entitled: “If This Were The Last Lecture I Would Give, What Would I Say?” organized by the Multi-faith Council of the University of Massachusetts Lowell.
Editor's Note: Professor Bergeron did not have a written text for his presentation. The text that appears here has been prepared from notes taken during this “last lecture”.
Please note: Professor Bergeron brought a gray rock and placed it on the table before him. He made reference to the rock in his presentation.
I would like to begin with a word of thanks to Nick Minton. In his "Last Lecture" [October 19, 2001] he said that his talk gave him the opportunity to share a personal story that until then he had never related to anyone. His experience has inspired me to do the same.
I have two themes: 1) fear – abject terror; and 2) passion and love.
We can all be constricted and limited by our fears – which may be self-imposed.
Particularly since November of this year, my fears, passion, and love of teaching have come together. I had a dramatically powerful experience in Assisi, Italy, when one of my students, Keith Connors, shared his experience of being gay. His openness was a catalyst for a real sharing of experiences as I too grappled with integrating my sexual identity with my teaching. My unrealistic but deep-seated fear of being rejected solely based on my sexual identity dissipated during those long conversations in Italy. I felt a wonderful sense of liberation, a new wholeness I hadn't felt before.
One of the first new challenges presented to me upon returning from Italy was the invitation by Keith to be a panelist for his lecture on same-sex marriage. Keith was invited to share his thesis research as part of Women's Week. Keith's invitation brought back those haunting fears but given the events in Italy "no" was no longer an option. As so often happens in life when one is more open and honest, I had a message from Imogene just a few short days later to do this lecture. Once again "no" was not an option. The strength of fear no longer had its grip on me. The final challenge in my coming out process was when Keith suggested doing a class on the politics of sexuality. I accepted Keith's challenge and developed a course we called, "The Dynamics of Sexual Politics,” which will be offered in both the Summer Session of 2001 and the Spring Semester of 2002.
One example of how fear can constrict or liberate can be illustrated through the story of the rock I have before me. This rock was given to me by a student who experienced an unusual teaching methodology I used in my course on the American West. I had decided to have the students construct a medicine wheel in order to fully appreciate Native American spirituality. I discovered that the students could not "feel" but could only "intellectualize" the exercise that I had given them. From a book I had recently read by Annie Dillard called Teaching a Stone to Talk, I requested that each student bring two rocks into class to construct the medicine wheel. Students were asked to listen to the stone speak to them individually. On the day that we were to construct the medicine wheel, 24 students – with 24 rocks – were seated before me in the classroom. As we began this exercise, I was experiencing some fear and trepidation. We had a meditation before we started the medicine wheel. The sharing started with a student who had a rock found at her father's graveside. One side was smooth – like her father's touch; the other side was hard – like her father's strength. One student, a Marine Corps Reserve, had previously shared with the class that when he went looking for his rock, his father asked him if his instructor was a God-damned nit-wit. After many other stories, the Marine Reserve told the story of his rock – a rock which he had searched for in the dark. In his reluctance to engage in this experiment, while walking in his back yard under the cover of dark, he tripped over a rock. Recovering from his anger he realized this must be "his rock". The message he received was to remind him of all the times he stumbled in life, got back up, and continued.
When it was time to construct the medicine wheel, my fears resulted in my efforts to construct the wheel in the classroom. The students, in contrast, pushed to construct the wheel outside. They felt the exercise was too important. Fearing what my colleagues would think, I suggested we construct the wheel in back of Coburn Hall where we would be less visible. Not to be deterred, the class insisted creating the medicine wheel in the Quad where all could see. Though I feared the experience would be humiliating, instead I found it especially gratifying. Several weeks later, while in my office, I was relating this story about "The Rock" unaware that the Marine Reserve was in the room. The next day he returned with "The Rock" and said, "Since this rock is so meaningful to you, I wanted you to have this to remind you to never allow fear to inhibit your creative teaching style. This experience was one of the most meaningful in my life".
In the last few weeks, I've been working out the details on team teaching a focus course for Continuing Ed in the summer – the "Dynamics of Sexual Politics". I've been working with the Stonewall Center in Amherst. I'm putting in for a reduced load – I want deans and the chancellor to be aware of issues for gays and lesbians. I want also to work with area high schools. (I've been to Vermont to do research on same-sex unions.)
I think about the students who came out to me, but I didn't share with them my own pain. Suicide rates are extremely high for gay and lesbian youth. We're setting up a committee to deal with gay/lesbian issues; we're working through Alumni Relations. Coming Out Week is happening next year. It will be capped with Homecoming for GLBTQ&A Alumni/ae. I'm writing a series of
grants to have something like the Stonewall Center at UMass Amherst.
No matter what our fears – and we all have them – we can open ourselves to our full potentialities.
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At the time of this presentation, Dean Bergeron was a professor in the Department of Regional Economic and Social Development, University of Massachusetts Lowell.