Conflict is normal and neutral.
How do we manage it to make it most productive for everyone?
- Compromise does not equal losing
- Arguments tend to block meaning
Ten civility strategies when views differ
The Three Unspoken Conversations always taking place during a conflict:
- How do they impact what is expressed and understood? The “What Happened” Conversation: Talking to oneself about who said/did what, and who’s to blame
- The Feelings Conversation: Are my feelings valid, appropriate? What do I do about that person’s feelings?
- The Identity Conversation: Does this conflict mean I am competent, loved, good, worthy, I belong or the opposite? When they question actions, are they questioning my rights to be here and be who I am?
The Three Assumptions vs. benefit of the doubt
- The Truth Assumption: I am right and you are wrong
- The Intention Invention: When the other person’s intentions are unclear a common perception is that they are bad
- The Blame Frame: Believing the other is to blame for the problem
The above material was derived from "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most" by Stone, Patton, Heen & Fisher, Penguin Group, 1999.
Are people perceiving me the way I want to be perceived?
Perceptions involve both people.
- What messages am I sending?
- How do differences in personality impact perceptions?
- How can my consciousness of this help people perceive me more accurately?